2021 is that you?!



Y'all.. let's just dive right into this okay. 2020 was such a wild year and it is still nowhere near done. I brought in the new year at church, crying my eyes out because it just felt like a sigh of relief and a fresh start. 2019 was ROUGH for me. I got my heartbroken, made A LOT of bad decisions because of the heartbreak, I started a new job and left my old job, the new job started off rough, I was struggling a little with school and I got sick twice. It was just too much going on. So when it was December 31st, 2019, I was beyond ready to enter 2020 and was excited about what the year was going to bring. Little did I know what 2020 had in store for me.

Alright so the start of 2020 was rough too I can't even lie. I was still looking for love in all the wrong directions and it was all just a mess. Looking back at it now, I can't believe I put up with all of what I did within the first six months of this year alone. Then.. COVID. So, in March, I strongly believe I had that crazy sickness but it was still the beginnings of the cold even showing up throughout the world, but I had most if not all of the symptoms but it went away within like a week so I was confused as hell. Okay so I ended up not being able to work through the pandemic(it sucked but not really cause that unemployment was hitting and was way better than the money I made at my job) but I eventually went back in the summer time. It was a little rough for me when the pandemic first started. I was heavily depressed and my anxiety was terrible. I was running to the stores like every other day so I could cook for my family because my mom nor grandma could go outside because they were more at risk than I was. I was still in school but online of course, I wasn't getting ANY sleep, I had to take melatonin and Benadryl a few times a week to help me sleep which was annoying but, I needed the sleep! I ended one semester and started my last semester of school through Zoom and teaching myself online from the work my professors uploaded. It wasn't easy because I HATE online classes, but I had to get it done.

Dealing with life during a pandemic wasn't and still isn't easy. Your mask(s) are now apart of your everyday life and you can't go anywhere without it. We can't even take trips to other states much less out of the country because if we do, we have to quarantine for 10-14 days. I fell into a depression because I HATE being in the house for extended periods of time against my own will. If you know me, you know I am a busy body. I'm always at work, school or with my friends. So the fact that I couldn't be at any of those three places for MONTHS at a time drove me crazy.

But enough about COVID because that wasn't even the only thing that affected my mental. Seeing all of these senseless killings of Black men and women really broke my heart and drove me to tears. It seemed like every other day someone was getting killed by a police officer and it was really like.. wtf?! It made me feel really unsafe to go anywhere outside of my city and even made me side eye police officers even more in my city. Like we were really out here getting murdered in the streets just because of our skin color. Seeing all the rioting, fighting, looting, whatever and having to try and defend all of these events to people who didn't understand why it was being done and trying to say it was pointless was draining in itself. And if you didn't know, Black Lives Matter, period. If you're against that, you can stop reading my page now and forever. Thanks. Anyways, all of these events really started another type of pandemic. We were/are losing the lives of hundreds of Black people everyday for absolutely no reason. It was very draining having to defend the reason why Blue Lives Matter should not be considered as something real, why Black people shouldn't be slaughtered based off of their "past" or just their skin tone alone, and why we were so angry at the fact that these same people who were hired to protect us kept killing us and getting away with it.

Now in the midst of all of this, 2020 is also an election year. Chile.. this year was just a hot ass mess in trying to figure out which is the lesser of two evils for some of y'all. Can we just throw the whole White House away?! From the cabinet, to congress, to the secret service, we just need to start anew. Also, I think the conversation needs to be had on why the electoral college needs to be banished but that's another story for another day. Now we have to see two incompetent people fight for a presidential seat that they do not deserve and go through another four years of "what happens next?" It is too much for my mental state and I feel like I have been living in oblivion these past few months because every other day it's something new happening in the world or in my personal life.

I think I've talked enough about 2020 and what happened because this year alone, we've been through so many events and life altering moments so I will end it here. I am kind of nervous/anxious/excited about what 2021 holds for all of us after this year, but I will not get my hopes up.

RIP to everyone we lost this year. Be blessed, stay encouraged, and keep on fighting to stay alive. I know the going gets tough, but all we have is each other in moments like these so please be kind to one another.


-P









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