In my last blog post, I spoke briefly about how 2019 went for me in regards to love, or the lack thereof. I got my heartbroken blah blah. 2020 started off rocky as well too, but I didn't give up hope because I knew something good was in store for me. If you know me or even just follow me on social media, you know that I am very into astrology. So, when I read my horoscope for the year, it said that this year was going to be my year for love. I'm not going to lie, during the first half of the year I was like yeahhhh, the cards, the stars, and the universe lied to me! But like I said, I did not give up hope. Now, dating in 2020 is not easy in the slightest. Everyone has trust issues, side pieces or they aren't looking for love/a relationship. I consider myself lucky now especially in the middle of a pandemic that I met my partner and at the time I got with him. Some people ask me "how do you do it?" "What is it like dating in 2020?" Well, I am going to tell you now.
Around June, I started talking to a friend of mine again that I had met through Instagram. It was regular conversation between us like normal, and then one day things took a left turn and he told me he wanted to take things to the next level. When he said that I was like "wait.. huh?????" We became friends around 2017 I believe but we had NEVER flirted or anything. He actually always picked at me and talked crap about how big my head was lol. When he decided to try and take things to a new level, I was honestly nervous because I had never seen him in that light and if things didn't go right, I didn't want our friendship to end. So, we both promised each other to still remain cordial and cool with each other if it didn't work out. July came and we started to see each other more and more and I just knew he was the person I wanted to be with. We are now on month four, soon to be five of dating and I wanted to share some things with you all that I have learned so far while being with him.
Patience. Y'all.. I am a very impatient person with everyone and everything. If things don't go my way then it's the highway. (Disclaimer: this is my first real relationship.) Now, my boyfriend and I are the same sign: Taurus. Yes, we are still alive(barely) and yes we are still making things work. Before him, if a guy wasn't doing right by me, depending on how much history and time we shared between each other, I was GONE. Bye, you are done with. See you never. But, I realized that I cannot be so quick to try and give up when things do not go right between me and him. I realized I have to leave room for improvement with him because he isn't perfect and neither am I. I also realized I couldn't keep my short temper inside of my relationship because in fact, things aren't always going to be sugar cookies and rainbows(this is his favorite saying).
Accountability. We all hate to admit when we are wrong. It's even more of a Taurus trait because we do not like to be wrong. The fact that we are the same sign makes it no better. I used to try and hold my past relations accountable for their actions and it would get nowhere because in fact, men who do not want much from you do not like to be told when they are doing wrong. But when you have a partner who is willing to change and work to keep you, holding them accountable doesn't seem like a task. Now, being that I hold him accountable when he slacks off, he does the same for me as well. Baby, don't let me do something he doesn't like because he is going OFF! He will put me in my place real quick and tell me what I did wrong and why he doesn't like it. And honestly, I have no choice but to take it and listen because I do the same for him. I may be mad at him in the moment because of how he may say it, but what he says is always insightful to something I may need to fix.
Softness. All of my friends can tell you that before him, I was aggressive af with the boys/men I dated. I was the man in the dealings I had lmao. I was very rough around the edges, very tough exterior and acted like I had a tough interior as well. But in reality, I am very soft inside and out. It was a defense mechanism so that I wouldn't get hurt by anyone. With him, I learned that I did not have to be this way anymore. When I am with him, I feel safe and secure. I get to cuddle without having to ask for it, I get unlimited kisses even though I know he gets tired of me asking for a million of them, and he even taught me how to hug properly. All of my life I've experienced pain from boys/men I trusted. Now that I have him, he has yet to put me through anything painful or hurt me. I let my guard down with him and honestly it was the best decision I made. I don't mind being "soft" with him.
Love Languages. We have two completely different love languages in my eyes and there is nothing wrong with that. I need words of affirmation, but he is more of a gift giver. I had a lot of difficulties and still do dealing with the fact that we have two different love languages because I felt like he wasn't showing up for me in the way I needed him to. But he didn't know how to and that is something I had to work with and he had to work on so that he could show up better for me. Normally, I am not a touchy feely type of person. I hate hugging. Even my friends ask me for hugs before just trying to give me one. I barely hug my boyfriend because I was rarely affectionate with anyone. It wasn't something I was really shown or experienced in life, so it was harder for me to exhibit it as well. He was the same way in where he wasn't really affectionate with the people he had relations with and even in general. But we both found a common ground and made it work and now I think I can say, physical touch and quality time is a love language we both share with each other. This ties back into me being softer with him because I don't feel needy or like I'm asking for too much when I just want to be held, or I run my hand down his back or I randomly grab his arm/hand when we're lying in bed. And, he's softer with me as well. We're like always together unless I have work and even then, we still make time during the week to stay with each other and relax. We found our happy medium.
Communication. Being that I'm so used to dealing with things alone and going through my emotions in silence, I shut down whenever I feel like I am being unheard or when things are leading to an argument. My boyfriend has shown me that it is okay to speak my mind with him, it is okay to have an issue and want to resolve it or speak on it so that we can fix it and move on. He hates when I shut down or result to a negative solution to our problem, but I am still learning how to express myself without getting angry or just saying "forget about it." Having someone who gives me the room to speak on the issues I have and in return they listen, are slow to anger, and in the end come up with solutions, is something I've wanted for forever. This whole time I thought I had good communication skills, but then I realized that I didn't have the proper communication skills that were needed to express myself.
This may only seem like a little bit for most, but we are still in the beginning stages of our relationship and we still have A LOT to learn from each other. No, it is not easy dating someone. Whether it be 2020 or 1995, there are going to be ups and downs in a relationship but it is up to you to decide if the partner you are with, is worth fighting for. From the very beginning, he told me he wanted to be with me and start a family with me in the future. He won't admit it, but he fell for me first if not just as fast as I did for him. Within these last few months, we have been through A LOT of stuff with each other but honestly, I wouldn't want to go through it with anyone else but him. If you are trying to date or be in a relationship in 2020 and here on out, then make that clear from the very beginning that it is something you want. If the person isn't for you, they will exclude themselves from the situation and make room for someone who does. It is all a game of trial and error, but your person will not miss you when it is your time. Stay hopeful, stick to what you want and never settle.
When you read this, I hope it makes you smile.