When we talk about love, we always think of the good things, the flowers, the gifts, the smiles, and whatever else it entails. But what about the bad? The arguments, the disagreements, leaving the toilet seat up, the insecurities, and so much more. In my last post I spoke about social media playing a major role in how we perceive life and even how we make certain decisions in life. This includes relationships too. We see couples on Instagram and Twitter, even now on TikTok and they look so in love. Matching outfits, doing challenges and taking baecations and we sit and wonder why it isn't us doing all of that. I won't lie, I think about that sometimes as well. "Oh they're in Bali? Wow must be nice." "Omg, a Chanel bag for her birthday?! He must really love her." Next thing you know we're sitting around playing that playlist, you know which one, and sending "I miss you" texts to people we don't even miss and if we do, we have no business missing them.
So really, what is love? According to the dictionary, the definition of love is: an intense feeling of deep affection or having a great interest and pleasure in something. Now, love described as a verb is: to feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone). Remember this please as you're reading along. Now, we all tell each other we love each other(I hope) whether it be a friend, partner, or even a sibling. But do you know why you truly love each person? Could you describe five reasons why you love them? If you can, awesome. If you can't, why is that? Do you truly love them or do you love what they can do for you? In relationships and even situationships, we are quick to tell our partners that we love them and often it is based off of what they have done for us or what they can do for us. Yes he has the pockets to buy you a new bag or some new shoes, but does he have the pockets to hold your heart and fears in there? Does his/her pockets run deep enough to still love you even on your worst days? Or are they only deep enough for the pictures, videos, and in public to other people? I have seen a few people post things saying that some people have grown up on love and some have grown up on survival, those who grew up on the latter, aren't as deserving of love. At one point, I did agree with this sentiment because if I grew up based on survival, I may not know how to love someone properly or the way they expect to be loved. But because of that, does that mean I don't deserve to be loved as well? No. As humans, we all NEED love and to be loved to survive in this world. No matter how hard or cold some people act, it's a coping mechanism so that they do not get hurt again. Hurt people, hurt people, always remember that.
But anyways, we need to start loving people more for who they are and not just what they can do for us. People become drained too. No one is going to keep giving and giving to only receive so little in return. It is not human nature to go through life like that. You love them, but the minute they cannot provide something for you, you fly off the handle and get ready to cut all ties. Is it love or is it manipulation? People need to start loving people for who they truly are. Get to know your partner in and out before you decide on whether or not you love them because love is a gamble, but your heart is not. It is very fragile and should be treated as such. Stop "loving" people because of the thought of them. Stop "loving" people because of what they can do for you. Start "loving" people because of how they treat you and how they love you as well. If you really sit down and evaluate why you love a person as much as you think you do, listing your pros and cons, and if you have more cons, it isn't love. Love should not hurt. Love should not require pain first and then love after. Love has its ups and downs of course, but if you had to fight for it in order to receive it or even fight to give it, maybe it isn't love like you believe it is. Love is patient and love is kind. So if you are receiving anything other than that, it is time to go.
Most importantly, LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. If you can(and you will) accomplish that, then the right, almost perfect, love will come your way.